Commissioned by Ontario Parks to celebrate their 125th anniversary. Eastern Fox Snake males engage in a 'thumb-war-type' completion for a female with their heads playing the role of the thumb. There is no biting or bloodshed. In the end, one slinks off and the other gets the girl. This song is from the point of view of the loser!


I Can’t Dance
(A Fox Snake’s Lament)

I can carry a tune, follow the beat
If I could bust out a move, it would be so sweet
But, it gets a little tricky when you got no feet
Yeah, I’m telling you I just can’t dance

There ain’t no river that’s too wide to swim
I could change for you, baby
I can shed my skin
But, I know your pretty heart I’m never gonna win
‘Cause I’m telling you I just can’t dance

I can’t dance
I’m no darn good
I can’t dance
Like a Fox Snake should

Now, here’s another step I wouldn’t let you take
That’s crossing the highway, Gimme a brake!
Turns an Eastern Fox into a Ribbon Snake
And you’re never gonna see him dance

There’s never been a tree too high to climb
I’d fetch eggs for your breakfast any old time
Trust me, I’m a snake and I’m not lyin’
When I‘m telling you I just can’t dance


Don’t you know I’d love to take you on a holiday
Show you all the sights around Georgian Bay
Then way down south Point Pelee way
But, you’re never gonna see me dance

I’d take you out basking in the summer sun
And maybe hibernating when the summer’s done
But, I’m never gonna be your ‘only one’
‘Cause I’m telling you I just can’t dance


There’s not a single thing with you I wouldn’t share
And a copperhead like mine you won’t see anywhere
But, I’m no Michael Jackson, no Fred Astaire
I’m telling you I just can’t dance!

Words and music by David Archibald
© Rogues’ Hollow Music 2018